I was going to post about the stages of grief and how, as the parent, I can so relate to the parent stages of grief but anyhow, I will save that for another time because at the moment, I am struck by one of the stories in the book.
My children have definitely been traumatized, they all suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. But when I read the anecdote about Melody/Melanie. I had to reread it again.
On Pg. 116 it states "Eight-year-old Melody's story follows a typical order: work on attachment,then on trauma, and finally on grief."
Whoa!
My kids have been consistently working on trauma and grief. So could it be my initial feeling that we needed to attach and bond before they could actually work on the trauma and grief be spot on?
They tell the story of Melanie's mom, specifically-- "They dropped all outside activities in order to slow life down."
But wait...hold the phone...
Pg.117
"Meeting basic needs for comfort is always a good place both to begin and to come back to when helping children through trauma. Slowing down the pace of life is key. Traumatized children already have more than they can deal with."
Hmmm. I think I might have heard that somewhere. Oh, hell...didn't I just tell that to the therapist? I feel like we need to be home, we need to be together, they need me. We need to bond first.
Wasn't our week home proof that we need to do this and wasn't I right about them acting up because we were returning to what currently was causing them issues--therapy?
She wants me to hold them and put lotion on them and to read to them, etc... but as I told her, how can I do that when I come home, make dinner, they get showers and it's already bed time? Where do I schedule it in when the only thing we are doing is seeing the therapist? There are 5 of them, as she keeps reminding me.
But I'm a bad mother who isn't gonna be nothing but a caregiver, right?
I so can't wait until this week is over.
This is what I needed. I knew something had to give and I was so worried about making a mistake. I'm just going to follow my heart because apparently it's not that broken after all.
PS...things might be looking up in the neighborhood. I was so blatantly nosy because I needed to know that the punk across the street was really moving out. I mean he brought all the gang crap to our neighborhood and I'm really counting on his leaving meaning that he is taking it with him.
His pregnant girlfriend came and I couldn't tell if she was dropping stuff off or picking up. I told Hubs she has to be picking up because that's the way it works. The loser boyfriend always moves in with the girl. Sure enough, they were packing his 7 things up and they took off. Please oh please...let them work and let them relocate some place else and let the house across the street return to the nonexistence that it was before that boy hit puberty. Oh and please don't let the people who stayed keep the crap up. Amen.
