Orphan Movie- Not what people think it is

I went to go see the movie Orphan yesterday.

First, I must share with you all that at the ripe old age of 33. I was carded. It was a pleasant shock but none the less a shock. lol

Based on the fact that I went to see the movie, you can guess I am not one of those adoptive parents boycotting the movie. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. If you are boycotting the movie, that is your option and I respect that.

But this is my blog and this is my opinion so play nice. For me, I personally believe the outcry is trying to make nothing into something; even more so after I saw the movie.

When I first saw the trailer, the little hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I saw this child and her behaviors and I immediately thought of CDQ. Not because she's adopted but because she has similar behaviors. I wanted to see this movie because I thought for once it might be one that would scare the beejeezus out of me.

But in fact, as I sat there basically non responsive while others were gasping and astounded by the child's behavior. I was reliving bits and pieces of the last three years. I could tell that I was experiencing this movie a totally different way then the people around me were. Sure there were far reaches and the movie has it's unrealistic lame moments, but it was what it was- a movie.

Honestly, until the video cameras, until the door alarms, until the baby monitors...I did not feel safe in my own home. I wasn't even aware of it until after the fact because when you are in the middle of it and you are alone in it, one can tend to think they are being silly about the whole situation and dismiss things. There are many of us, many of us that live this way, that sleep with one eye open or don't sleep at all. You know who you are. There are even some of us whose children have attempted to physically harm us or even succeeded in physically harming us or the other children in our home whether they be blood siblings or not.

This movie will hit home for us. I can guarantee you it will be like it was for me sitting there with terms like triangulation flying through your mind. You will see how the therapists operate, you will see the mother be blamed for the child's behavior, you will see the manipulation, the seduction, you will see things that you know to be real, even though the people around you will never really think of it as real.

I personally feel that if this movie were to make a family change their mind about adoption, that family was not ready to adopt and it's probably better that way. People need to know that adoption is not all rainbows and unicorns. I'm not saying it's all bad either. What I am saying is before I adopted my nieces and nephews, I had this idea that I had already seen the worst when I was raising my step nieces and step nephew. I was in no way prepared for 4 out of the 5 to be diagnosed with RAD or for any of the other disorders, most of which I had never heard of, even the social workers in both states weren't familiar with the disorders my kids have.

We were going to be a forever family and we would have so much fun and it would be great because it seemed like a win-win situation. Just like the parents believed at the beginning of the movie.

I've said it before, if these kids weren't my blood, we would not have adopted. As it was, we were pushed pretty hard and fast. That doesn't mean that I don't love the kids, but something was off and it was like a race to pawn them off before we found out what it was. At least that's what it felt like on this end.

There are some awesome mothers out there for whom raising children with traumas is their life's work. I am not one of those people. I've learned that most adoptive children have been through many things we can't fathom. I've learned that even if they haven't the very process of being adopted is a trauma for many. It's not just a beginning but it's also a very bittersweet end in most cases mainly for the child. I've also learned from other adoptive parents that whether you have your adoptive child from day 1 or right smack in the middle of their teenage years, there are no guarantees. To take it a step even further, I am actually half related to my kids and even then I had no clue.

I think the biggest oversight is not informing potential foster and adoptive parents of these possibilities. To try and hide these things from potential parents is setting the family up for failure. People are comparing the use of the word "orphan" to the use of the N word. People don't want others to see the movie because they think it is ignorant. How does that make sense?

What's ignorant is keeping people from vital information so that an informed decision can be made BEFORE a child is put through yet another trauma and another family. If this movie can make someone who is considering adoption think twice and do a little research, I think that's a wonderful thing. But sadly, I don't think this movie is anything more than a movie and no one believed *any* of it could really be true. I also don't think people will think of the "child" in the adopted context as much as they will think of her as her own separate being but of course, I can't say too much without giving anything away, all I can say is that maybe some people should have watched the movie before they said anything.