Hair!

Here I thought for sure I'd totally messed up and said too much to CDQ and was just awful in what I said to CDQ and I find out everyone thinks it was the way to go.  It's all so confusing! 

She's on the up and up now and the boy decided it's his turn to be an @$$.  *sigh* Oh well...

Anyhow, the title of my post... with 4 girls, 3 of whom I still do their hair I am in a constant battle of how to keep their hair tidy. So, these are two of the things that I have tried recently.

Poufy, Poufy, Poufy...her hair is soooooooo...Poufy I had cut it short but the fact is it is a total nightmare trying to figure it out in the morning, cute as the last cut was. 

I've been trying to figure out how to keep it tamed and decided on mini french braids (as Karlton would say, which was the inspiration for this style.lol) connected to each other throughout her head.  I've got to say the style held up for three days. I already have plans to make it better than before, before I had a thought but now I am dangerous...I have a plan. lol 

SS, on the other hand, always has her hair flopped in her face. Not so much as CDQ ,because CDQ is growing out bangs but still I wanted to pull back SS's hair so she could see and we could see her. lol 

I'm still learning how to part and all that crap but this worked and she was really happy with it. I don't have anything on CDQ because this was last week while she was on her rant but I figure I'll be diving in on her hair next with the bangs growing out and all. 

I'm going to let them regrow their hair out long. I don't know how long it will last but we'll see. 

Honesty is the best policy...I hope.

So, I've been keeping busy puttering around my blogroll reading adoption stories and trying to catch up. 

I sit here and think sometimes that maybe I need to step away from my blogroll for a few because some people have it so bad and some people have it so good and some people are just oblivious (most of the latter aren't RAD parents. lol)  It's just such a roller coaster and I can feel it building up inside of me in addition to my own crap at home. 

For the past....hmmm, well since Hubbins went to the movies with the oldest on the 22nd CDQ has been a little $#%^.  I tried almost everything I could think of but she kept going on and on and on. Nothing in particular happened except we spent a good day together at the mall where we had fun...or so I thought.  

While Hubbins and the oldest were at their 2 hour long Star Trek movie, I was left with the four youngest.  We were going to come straight home...but I got soft. Our mall has an indoor Merry Go Round so they went for a ride on that and then we window shopped at the Disney Store and Build-A-Bear.  I think the kids think I am BS'ing them but I am totally truthful when I say that if they took care of their stuff I would buy them a ton o'crap from the Disney store. I love Mickey and all the old cartoon characters. 

At one point we passed by two people who appeared to be talking to one another. The man pulled me aside and in chopped up English asked me if my shoulder hurt.  I had actually been rubbing my shoulder because all the walking (like it was miles or something...NOT!) and the escalator episode was causing me to have an RA flair up. I was having trouble lifting my arm.  Anyhow, he was a massage therapist and they do 15 minute massages for $15 amongst other things. 

I had never had a massage before and I was desperate.  Let me just say, I will never do that again. 

He shoved, he pinched, he pushed, he prodded... and I wanted to cry. He kept telling me to relax and I can tell by his labored breathing I was making him work for his money.  He worked and worked on my shoulder and my neck and my back. He cracked all kinds of things. I've never had my ass kicked but I imagine it would feel something like that. 

Aside from learning that the kids had never been on a Merry Go Round, I also learned the hard way they had never been on an escalator. Picture this. They all stop in front of the escalator and I say let's just take this instead of the elevator and I step on the escalator and about a third of the way down I decide to look back and see them all still standing at the top. SHHHH#$%!!!!!

So in stair climber fashion I try to go back up the escalator to get to them but end up getting no where.  I have to call up to them instructions on how to get on the escalator while still climbing it so they are all in my sight. Let's just say we practiced up and down the escalator several times so that will never happen again. lol 

We also did some girly shopping in Bath and Body Works. We tried lotions and sniffed other fragrances much to the dismay of the boy.  But rest assure, I am training him up right since it appears to be in his genes already to not enjoy shopping with the ladies. He carried our bags around the mall for us. *chuckle*

We went to Hallmark where we did some Father's day shopping and then we ended up back at the movie theater to wait. While we were waiting, I saw they had one of those picture strip machines and figured since it was a good day, I would have their picture taken so they could remember it. 

Those are the pics that I've sprinkled in above. If you are asking whose hand is that wrenching the kids in every direction...why yes, it is mine. Because even though I thought "this way" or "that way" was pretty precise they always went the opposite way then what they should've been. lol

So after all that, we all piled in the car together and went to dinner. It was a good day. 

But as I said CDQ...let's just say as the days went on from there she lost her $%^#.  It escalated over the past three days ending today with just pure erie silence.  All those days she yelled at me and screamed at me and cried and cried. 

I told her it was ok. I told her to go ahead and cry louder. I told her it didn't bother me. At one point I told her it made me feel more like a mommy to hear my baby crying... yeah...whatever that was supposed to mean because even I have no clue where I pulled that out of. I had been trying to appeal to her ODD.  That's when she screamed at me that I wasn't her mother and that she didn't have a mother.  Hmmmm....

At first, I was like FINALLY! since none of them have ever yelled at me that I am not their mother.  It was like a rite of passage, a milestone if you will.  But then, a light bulb turned on. 

I grabbed her birth certificate. The one that floored me when I received it because it is a certificate of a live birth claiming me to be her mother.  Just like that poof! 

I took it to her and I showed her..."but yes... I am your mother. It says so right here."  Then the lightbulb shone brighter..."As a matter of fact...YOU signed the paper saying you wanted me to be your mother."  

There was confusion: me, her, Poufy... I looked over at Poufy and I told her "You signed a paper too so I am your mommy too"...she had a HUGE smile on her face.  Which I have to admit surprised me.  I thought she hated me too. 

With that I got silence.  For a full day I had mutterings about me on the intercom. Then last night at dinner she copped an attitude with me. Let it be known...I don't care who you are, what disorder, whatever. I don't do attitudes.  If her mother were around she can ask her what happens when you give me an attitude. God did not put me here to be ANYONE'S doormat or punching bag. The end. 

 So I let her know what time it was and then again this morning she thought she was going to go for round two at breakfast and this is when I let the truth be known. According to her, EVERYONE talks about her ALL the time.  I told her that wasn't true to which she decided it was basis for an argument and not fact. I interrupted her and I put it on the line... who here really thinks about CDQ? Her siblings looked confused, some shook their heads. I said, aside from people complaining about her crying while we were trying to do school (Yep, we were homeschooling through all this) who has said anything about CDQ?

The oldest said she was tired of her whining and the others chimed in that they had either said they were sick of her crying or had said nothing about her. It was pretty clear looking around the table that no one had given her and her dramatics much thought. I told her that I was pretty sure I was the only one who had even thought of her and it was that I thought she was probably hungry the night before. 

She tried to go on with her drama that people were talking about her but I interrupted her and told her that she needed to think because she pulled this same thing when she was in school and she ended up turning all her classmates against her and no one wanted to be her friend or be near her. 

This one also has a thing with giving dirty looks. Another trait I have low tolerance for.  I said "Look no one is trying to put you down, no one is trying to hurt your feelings. I'm just trying to get you to see what you do because you keep pushing people away. It's all you CDQ and it has to stop otherwise it's going to be very sad for you." 

I left it at that. Walked away, left the room.  Today at dinner. She told me she owed me an apology.  She said she had thought about the way she acted and realized she did it for nothing. She had no reason to do it.  Um...ok. I accepted her apology and I left the room because in all honesty I had no strength to hash it out with her.  I guess deep down, I didn't want to try to get to the root of it because I didn't want to discover that it was all part of the drama in her head. I'd rather just take it at face value for now and move on. 

This was me...

Before everything came crashing down...

This was me... 

So different, so innocent, so happy, so naive... 

I miss her. 

Because I am such a bitch apparently...

So, CDQ has really had it in for me these last several weeks. I finally had enough and flew into her room, gratitude journal in hand and told her to write down what her issues were with me.

To say I was pissed when I read it is an understatement. She was so smug about it too. 

List

1. Throw what you give me in your face. 

2. Lie cause I think I'll get in trouble (so therefore she's almost always in trouble for lying.-- this in itself is a lie because we have told her over and over again to recognize that she is getting in trouble when she lies.)

3. Steal cause I want to get you mad because you get me mad. (Apparently my breathing pisses her off.) 

4. Slam doors cause I think you stole my life (W!T!F!)

5. Talk about you because I get mad because I don't understand why I get in trouble. (huge lie because she knows...you should see the looks that go along with this one when she knows she's caught and still denies it.)

6. Talk back because I get out of control with madness. 

7. Cry out of nowhere because I don't get what I want or think I deserve. 

8. Be lazy because I don't like it when I think I do too much.

9. Give you looks because you talk about me and I remember it all the time and mostly do it for being picked on all the time and being called ugly and lonely misfit. ( I don't know who she is talking about because I don't waste much of my time talking about her because she gets off on it in a very weird way that frankly scares me,  but if ANY one says anything about her or Poufy like at the dinner table, I AM the one who gets the dirty looks even though I may not even have heard or been in the convo where it was said AND just their name needs to be said i.e. the boy might say CDQ doesn't like bread crust, she never eats it. All of a sudden, I am a bitch and everyone hates her. Ugh) 

10. Throw stuff around to make it look dirty cause you say we're never going to change, we're trash. (yeah, sure, whatever. Maybe she's onto something there on her own.)

11. I don't control myself cause I think I should be mad because you got me mad. 

So after reading this list and wanting to tell this self entitled little shit where to go and how to get there. I calmly presented her once again the very next day with two questions. 

1. What was your life? Give Examples

2. How did I steal it specifically? Give Examples. 

Ok... if you are drinking something you might want to swallow and put it down because the bullshit that's about to fly might make you spit it out. 

Note the manipulation.

1. Like I was getting what I wanted but had been abused along the way and got taken by a woman and got the opposite. By not getting what I want and making you the blame and acting wrong on purpose cause I want to get what I want to make it out of you so when I do get what I want I really want I'll go back to what I was before (meaning no RAD at all). I was this.  You give me stuff but just not what I really want. I really dream of having to own and keep inside my heart (I warned you.) of all the people I love. 

Sometimes I wish I could leave but I know if I change then probably I'll get what I want but I already know you'll say that having my own cd player or stereo I'll have to get older so I'm upset and acting out cause I want that only besides from me being an actress  and a pop star or dancer. But if I don't act out would I get what I want? Would I get a cd player or what I really dream of having, a stereo?

Little does she know that the answer was when she got older and now became she will get one when she buys it her damn self.  Really...are you f'in kidding me?  This sounds more like blackmail then anything else.  Do your RAD kids sound like this?  Because she really does sound just like her psycho mother. EXACTLY. Her mom does not have RAD she's just self centered. 

But that's not the best of it...

2. By taking me from (previous foster parents). The abuse wasn't bad bad. But you took music and Disney channel and normal life. I had a mirror.  

Since I left (parents), you took me away from bouncing around Arizona, California and (city in CA) living in a car. I think you stole my good life to make it yours, so now my life feels ruined and bent up and bumpy and empty like I was the one who did something wrong to get here to get what I love taken away from me since then I feel lonely wondering if I did something wrong (before you start shedding tears or feeling sorry...keep reading) My heart isn't empty it is full of music, camp rock (I watched the movie), my stars I love and family members but that's how I think you took my life. 

I clarified with her...whether it was parents (family members?) but no...here's who she is talking about Aly and AJ, Jonas Brothers, Demi Lovato, Taylor Swift, David Archuleta, Vanessa Hudgins, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, My Chemical Romance, Green Day. (Oh and lest I forget) Diana Louis (and in tiny letters under it Bleeding Love.  Seems like a x-mas list doesn't it?)

But she's deprived.  First of all I totally regret ever playing radio Disney.  I know for a fact their mother never played it for them and we have never had anything but regular rabbit ears tv in the house since they've been here. So I guess the Disney channel came in pretty clear in that car or something. Also, they actually are still allowed to listen to radio Disney if they are behaving and being civil in the van.  So deprived, but she can practically list everyone on Disney's payroll. 

I think I've decided that we are going to be one of those families who FULLY stays away from licensed stuff. That's how I wanted it to begin with but I didn't think even Disney couldn't be trusted. I've learned since the kids have been here.  I broke and did let them see Camp Rock and bought Disney's Sing It for the Wii. I guess for normal kids that would be cool because the other kids aren't obsessed. 

As for a mirror... no mirror came in her belongings from the foster family and there's a huge mirror in the bathroom. She doesn't need a personal one and she is 9. She already loves herself waaaaay too much. 

If you think I am ignoring the way she claims to feel. You are right. I fell for that bs hard. I used to cry about it.  But not anymore because the fact is for most of the stuff she no longer enjoys, she has done something wrong and lost the privilege. (See #'s 1 and 10). She has choices. She can choose to take care of her stuff or not have stuff at all.  She can choose to follow rules or have a consequence.  The choices are all hers and we remind her of that whenever she starts her crap. 

The other thing, I talked to her at dinner and because I feel like it's throwing it in someone's face I blatantly said that was not what I was doing but I wanted her to be aware of the way things really were around here, I asked her if she's ever had the Disney channel? If she's ever had a tv where just she decided what was going to be on it, if she's eaten at a table off of real plates regularly, if she had a bedroom, if she had clean clothes, or even a light up Hannah Montana shirt, or how about those shoes that fit? What about that bed you sleep on and if you don't get to do things, how is it you have seen Camp Rock and you know all these Disney singers (some of them she knows from before...My chemical romance, greenday) , did your mom play that stuff for you, did you guys have a gaming machine, did you have a computer, did you have a toothbrush and tp and did you take showers. Did you have light and water? Yet, we give you nothing and we've taken EVERYTHING, your whole LIFE from you? 

Well, then I got silence, and then a weird smile and later that night I got a hug.

But the very next day, as soon as she woke up the lies started and the roller coaster ride began. 

Can you believe it? Anybody have anything similar? 

Didn't mean to worry anyone.

Hubbins is still alive and well. If Hubbins were sick or dying, I would post it here. I wouldn't blame God for that, but I'd probably blame myself first if I could even function. I know it may seem morbid, but because of the way I have reacted to the past loss of my best friend, I really worry what's going to become of me when I do lose my Hubbins.  If I will be able to bear it. So I work on training my mind for when it does happen. When he does leave me. I don't even know if it would make a difference, me working on accepting it's inevitable...not him leaving. *blush* 

Second, the kids are all still here being themselves. I don't know if I will ever be able to bring myself to a disruption. I  keep thinking that if I , as family, want to strangle them sometimes...how will strangers deal with them and what will happen if they are killed by a person who was supposed to love them? I know they were all physically and mentally abused while they were in the foster system for the short time they were there. I know *I* won't kill them. lol  Sooooo, this is it, no matter how much I kick and scream about it. 

What I'm having a hard time expressing is my split with God. Forever and ever I was the person who believed no matter what. My faith in God was unbreakable. Even when the church turned me away, I never blamed him and I always believed there were reasons. Through all my abuse, through all my pain, I bore it for God after all, he sent his only son for me.  

But then I got to the point where if I could trade places with Jesus I surely would because at least I knew the pain would stop sometime and I heard he had a happy childhood with friends and family and all the things I can never expect to have. 

I was ok with the fact my childhood was gone and never existed. Hell, I was even ok with making it through my teen years and all that crap I dealt with. I gave my 20s to making sure my family was taken care of...but my 30s ...life was going to begin at 3o. I would have a family. A real one.  

But then this happened and I started to feel resentful but still clung to the fact that I would maybe have some of my 40's left and can move on in my 50s. But now Rheumatoid Arthritis? A condition that will probably land me in my own personal wheelchair by the time I hit my mid 40s.  I just can't any more.  The camel's back is broken.  

My life has turned into one big episode of "Are you kidding me?" I wanted to be a success. I don't mean monetarily either.  I wanted to find happiness. Something that seems to elude my family. I can't even see that far because for all I know in an hour my arm won't function or I won't be able to walk and I will still have to figure out a way to make it all work and get Hubbins in bed by a decent hour. I will have to wonder if the fact that my arm could not be lifted without me seeing white hot pain may have caused Hubbins sore to regress because of the time it took me to transfer him or even to get him in the sling to transfer him. 

I worry that this disease will progress faster than it already seems to have. I worry that I will end up in a chair and have to depend on others to take care of Hubbins and I see the way the kids disregard Hubbins because they have the attitude "What can he do about it?"

So here I sit, sometimes in excruciating pain and I don't see a solution. I can't even see having a family of my own.  Kids who hate me aren't a family. And now, on top of money and procedures and who's going to help, etc... etc... I see the door for parenthood and our own family slamming shut in our faces. If only I were infertile, it wouldn't be such a blow. I could accept that. 

So I am angry because I don't think I am asking for too much. What I am asking for isn't only for myself. It would change the lives of 6 other people as well. I've done everything without question and I have lived my life the "right" way. I can't imagine my cussing would warrant the life I have led and my cussing only began 4 years ago. Seriously people, that is the extent of my badness. I'm not exaggerating either. I haven't really "lived" a day of my life.  I've rarely ever asked for anything and this one thing...can't be? 

Since I asked for this one thing... I have gotten progressively worse. Since my bitterness and anger has escalated. I faltered here and there with my arguments with God but I hadn't lost my faith. Until that day. 

It's not to be compared to a child who didn't get their way or someone who made a bad choice and now must suck it up and deal with it.  

I am so sick and tired of people hiding behind God for everything or even blaming God for everything. But then I realized I am just as bad because I've been waiting for God to meet me halfway. I would never do that with anyone else so why should He be the exception? I never did that before. I don't know when things changed. 

I only have myself to count on. It's just me in this world. The End. I've known that forever and yet I waited. 

I don't know if my relationship with God will ever be repaired.  I guess it's between Him and I and time will tell. 

But for now, I am standing on my own again.  I will fall and as usual I will get myself up and dust myself off and put my foot forward.  I won't wax poetic about God thinking I'm strong enough for all this or anything like that. But this song...this song, as weird as it may seem makes me think of my journey with God these last 5 years.  It has explicit lyrics... so send the kiddos on their way...

Changing things up around here...

Starting to make some changes. Today is the first day of Summer. The oldest is off of school and we are free. Hoping to have a lot more blogging time to finally get some things out there. 

because I'm sick of the last post being up...

I've tried writing posts to explain what is going on here, but instead of a post it looks more like a swear word handbook. 

I guess I am not ready to write about it yet. Maybe in a few weeks when it's said and done. 

Tomorrow I am going to try to give Hubbins a break. He hasn't left the house since December because of his pressure sores which still haven't healed.  I was so convinced if he stayed in bed they would heal so I made a deal with him if he stayed in bed until Friday I would take him to see a movie.  No real improvement but he stayed in bed. I know tomorrow isn't Friday but I figured it would be better than Friday since all schools will be let out. I'm going to drop him and the oldest off at the movies so they can see the Star Trek movie.  I get to come back home with the other 4. I had plans to take them to a different movie, but they just can't pull it together and I am NOT about to spend $60 so we can just get up and leave before the movie even starts. I didn't even tell them about it so they couldn't sabotage it. 

Anyhow, I have a post I need to write about how CDQ hates me. Honestly...the feeling is mutual right now. Totally.  Let it be known that I am declaring my feelings right here and right now that this child will be a serial killer if any of them ever become one.  She is so hateful and she never does anything wrong and she lies as the day is long and of course she would be the one to develop at 9 years old. She's dying to have sex already. All I need is a 10 year old with a kid. She'd happily spend the whole day masturbating if she could. 

I have to admit that some of what she wrote gave me a good chuckle because don't you know I've called her a misfit and she's just a lonely misfit?  Yeah...like I've ever used that word in my life or orphan for that matter. Guess those historic diary books I allowed her to check out at the library are coming back to bite me in the ass. She's just looking for ammo against me. You'll get a good laugh when I tell you what her ammo is.  

One good thing, the oldest is starting to open her eyes. She went on and on about how she wasn't going to do this or that with her kids. I think CDQ's journal entry was an eye opener for her with what I am truly dealing with, plus she had a few half days at school recently which had her home at lunch time so she could see exactly what we deal with. I think she's scared and she's sad because she wants a "normal" family. I feel for her, that's all I've ever wanted too and now I've gone and ruined any chance of that. 

Tomorrow is the last day of school for the oldest. Whoo hoo. 

Next week, life begins. 

It's over...

Me...God... on the outs. 

Totally over. 

That is all. 

Mother's Day

Well, Hubbins tried his best and did a good job to try to patch the day up for me.  But in the end it was Hubbins and the oldest who wished me a happy mother's day.  I can't forget either how Purries and Smudge greeted me in song when I walked through their "bedroom" door this morning. Lots of kitty love. The others...well, I just didn't exist for them today. 

Even my baby sister texted me happy mother's day, but she still slips and calls me mommy sometimes. (long story).  

I didn't expect anything from them, but it just sometimes reaffirms in me that I made a huge mistake. RAD or not. I know people say that adopted children are the same as bio children, but I just don't feel that way.  I also know my situation is different. 

Sometimes I feel like I cheated all of us by going through with the adoption. Sometimes, I feel like I cheated them out of a mother because maybe it would have been easier for them to attach to a complete stranger. And I feel like I cheated Hubbins and myself out of children because I struggle with the whole bio child issue and how these kids can and will damage any children we might have. Mentally, sexually, physically. 

GS makes it even harder when I am with all the "normal" kids.  I did day camp with them on Saturday and their love and affection just flows so freely and they are so carefree and innocent.  It's hard to switch from that place where those kids are genuinely happy and engaged and come back in to the tension and unhappiness and coldness.

Literally, coming in from the warmth of our yard with those kids, into our home. Why weren't my kids out? Because they had already started their "holiday" behavior. Stealing, lying, hating.  I had to protect the kids outside from my kids.  Because with my kids, it's totally acceptable to brag about how you broke a boys nose just because he sat too close to you. (which I don't even believe it is true) but with those kids, it makes them scared and sad to hear that and they actually cry just to hear the words. All I need is for them to tell their parents. Then I have to explain how my kids lie.  

Anyhow, I hope everyone had a Happy Mother's Day! 

RAD Webinar

Katharine Leslie is going to be doing a webinar.  May 18th. 10 AM to 11:30 AM CST.  $30.00  Grab all your fellow Radical mom's, invite them over for tea and split the cost. Continuing education credits will be issued if you need/want them.  Dr. Leslie presents at Attach every year and gets rave reviews.  Also a parent to radicals which gives her big stars in my book. ;-)  She doesn't just "get it", she lives it.

 

Parenting from the Trenches
Do you have a child who lies, steals, sneaks, stalks, hordes, chatters non-stop, or urinates in places other than the potty, etc? In this webinar Dr. Leslie will teach you essential, sensible, safe and effective solutions to your child's behavior problems that can also increase positive behaviors in your child, create an attachment friendly environment, simplify daily life, reduce family conflict, and even get some of your parental needs met. Dr. Leslie will weave lecture material around questions from the audience.

 

AGENDA
This is a 90 minute Webinar

 

Quick overview of attachment and brain facts

 

What children are supposed to give to the parent-child relationship

 

What do you really want from your child?

 

Preventing negative behaviors

 

Rehearsing positive behaviors

 

Punishment vs consequences: What's good for you?

Click Here to sign up.

From my family...

Check out this link...click here.

What I have been up to...

Last week went like this... Wednesday, visit to the local Fire Station for a tour, Friday- trash pickup and talk about Global Warming before heading out to the movies to see "earth" in honor of Earth day. Saturday and Sunday, sleepover where all three levels were trying to earn a combined total of 20 some odd patches.  We had a thunderstorm, which took out the power and changed the majority of the outdoor plans I had for the patches...we had a pizza mix up which ended with half the pizza not ever making it to our house and we he a couple of other set backs. But all in all, it went well. 

The night of the sleepover, I had possibly my worst arthritis flare ever. My foot could not have any pressure on it, not my slipper, not even a sock. I couldn't walk. Thankfully, everything had wound down by the time it got to that point, but I was worried and scared because I wasn't able to get Hubbins to bed until around 3 am because I couldn't walk or move. I had to take an aspirin, 2 aleves and put heat on it, just to get it down to a dull pain so I could move. I've never seen my top of my foot and my ankle so big. Plus, apparently it was turning in sideways. I hadn't seen it, but when I tried to test it to step down on it and see if I could, I realized it was pulling to a straight position. I was in so much pain and didn't take a pic of it, but I do have a picture of my finger from the other day. I will upload it when I download the pics off the camera.

For now, I have to prepare for tomorrow's community service project meeting and then after that the Day Camp on Saturday. 

I'm almost done. We have a police station tour on Monday, scrapbooking meeting next Wednesday and then our ceremony and we are done for they year. Well, I will be done as a leader too because I won't be returning.  I will miss the girls but it will be great to be rid of all the rest of the bs. 

I am also slowly making the rounds in the blogosphere. I am behind on my reading and even more behind on my commenting, since I have read more and thought to myself, I need to leave a comment but haven't gone back to say what I wanted to yet.  Make sense? lol

I still have posts of things I want to share with y'all but need the time to post it.  After May 21st I will be free! 

Why I am a dip$%^&..Part 1..(cuz I'm sure it won't be the last time.lol)

Ok, just as I was getting ready to type up a post about why I am sooooo far behind... I realized something... I am wearing one of Hubbins shirts. $%^&.  But that's not too bad... what's bad is it's backwards.  I'm wearing the frickin shirt backwards. The tags were scraping at my neck. 

What makes it worse. I've been wearing it backwards since last night.  Yeah. I know I put it on last night for a pj shirt and I ended up wearing it all day today backwards. What's more. I hosted 24 children (5 were mine) for a sleepover at my home. So that means, we played games from around the world outside with my shirt backwards, we did singing and dancing competitions with my shirt backwards, I taught them square dancing and the box step with my shirt backwards amongst other things AND parents picked up their kids and looked me in the eyes with a straight face and talked to me... with my shirt backwards! F%^&. 

What's EVEN more. Yeah, there is more. It's the second time in 3 days that I've worn a shirt backwards. Friday I took 26 kids to the movies to see "earth". When I got home, I took off my GS uniform and threw my shirt on and got right to prepping for the sleepover. 

I was talking to the oldest about some plans when she asked me if my shirt was on backwards...the kicker? This shirt has graphics across the front. Soooo, on my back was a picture of Grumpy from the Care Bears (tears are rolling down my face as I type this and picture myself  with this shirt on backwards) and it says I *heart* being grumpy.  Ahh man. crud. lol 

At least my back was to the wall when they realized it, I had to shoo them away because I was NOT about to walk away with my back towards them and the front of my shirt facing them. 

Hubbins must think I have lost my mind because I am sitting here and bursting into fits of laughter every few minutes. I gain my composure and then I go into a giggling fit as images cross my mind of what a fool I looked like. 

And to think, I keep telling the boy he's too old to be putting his shirts on backwards. Especially when they have batman or spidy or something on the front! 

Karma baby. LOL!